READ THIS

So Many things to write about and not enough space or time.  I do wish i could write in this blog more but internet is not an expense i can afford at this point.  

The events of the last few days have changed my life.  I am so blessed to have the people in my life that i do. i know what i mean to the people that are truly close to me and leaving a job or other changes in my life hasn't changed any of that.  I am so thankful for these people because they give me hope.  There is one lady in my life that has shown me hope of a marriage not by liking me or even at that level.  But she has taught me by having a marriage that has lasted though thick and thin by relying on the promises God told her.  Because of her example i know that there is a woman out there for me that i will not have to compromise for and i will love with my heart because God will bring her to me when it is time for me to know her.  I know that there is true commitment in people and someone that will stick it out when times get tough and when they are great.  

I also want to say that i have learned a lot about judging.  Not judging people but situations and times that i am in.  If we come into a situation and have an open heart and are truly open for what comes our way then every interaction can change your life.  If you look at your life a little bigger then you normally give it credit for and see that you make and impact either positive or negative on everyone you come in contact with then you will truly see what life is about.  

I hope these words find you awesome.  

Peace.  

Chapters in life

Chapters in your life.  

As I have been in the past few months been making a lot of changes in my outlooks and in my attitudes in life. and now that i am making a huge change in my career.  These actions make me think about chapters in this story of my life i am writing everyday.  It has made me think ab out my time with people and the connections i have made.  We are the author of our days.  we choose what we will think of and what we will do with our lives.  I do believe it is so important to remember this.  I have heard a a lot of people in my life talk about the next chapter in there life.  i find this funny.  like each chapter of your life has nothing to do with the past one or the future ones.  Go pick up a book and read a chapter in the middle of a book or the last chapter you will not have the full effect of that book or even truly know what is happening.  If we live our life from chapter to chapter then we will never truly have the full effect of our life.  I don't care who you are you change the world in your everyday life.  whether for the good or the bad you change peopls days and their lives. Never ever forget that it is such an amazing ability.  Author your story each and every day.  Paint the painting of your life.  remember when wee breath our last breath not many people remember what they have bought in their lives they remember the experiences and the people that touched there lives.   I have so much i could say about this I could tyupe for days about this subject.  Painting the painting of your life how you want it to be.  you control the brush not anyone else. If we will start to get that in our heads more often that you will understand that where you are in your life is right where you are supposed to be because it is what you have chosen for ourselves by our thoughts and actions.  This is a truth of the universe i know it may be hard to hear but it is the truth.  once you start to take the responsibly then you will start to change your situation. It wont happen over night but you control.  A great quote it you either have results or excuses you choose.  

Thanks for reading i wish i could write you more but i don't have internet any more.  Thank you again.  

Dating and the crazy world we live in

It has been forever since i had the chance to blog.  I have been writing some but not able to post since i don't have internet.  any ways enough about that back to the subject at hand.   My life has gone though so many changes.  My mind set has changed and my world view.  i am so blessed and if you are reading this you are blessing my life..

So the subject that i wanted to talk about is dating.  Most of my friends that would read this don't have to deal with dating but i do.  I have learned some lessons about dealing with other people though dating that are priceless.

I have learned that when dealing with others they have their own issues and agendas.  They have their own issues and hang ups.  dealing with a free dating site brings up its own problems.  Some people are ready for that relationship and some are truly not but they are trying things out and putting you at risk to do this.  As someone who feels the moment and lives with an open heart you have to learn that people will hurt you because they don't know how else to act.  You have to put yourself out there to get something back.  unless you give of yourself you will never and i mean never have something great.  I have found that since my intentions are so different then most men that i am looked at as a liar and someone that is just trying to get in someones pants.  I think this is funny.  My intentions for dating are for something amazing and life changing.  It is funny for me to date at this point i have been mostly single for 2 years now.  I have had some relationships but most have not worked out for one reason or another.  I have learned so much about myself and how i interact with people.  I have so very blessed.  I have met some great people whether they are still in my life or not i have met some great ones.  Most people that you meet are only in your life for a few days to weeks because they are after one thing and one thing only.  but i truly enjoy making a connection with people and sharing some of myself with them.  There are times that you get down and get rejection after rejection which in the 2 years is all i have had since i am still single.  Some of the rejection has come from me some from the women.  but that rejection is such a blessing it has taught me so much.  My friends have been there to build me back up and help me though the bad times.  I thank every friend that i have for everything they have done for me.

So i guess the point of this ramble is that even though rejection and strife you are given gifts.  When you start to see these gifts the strife and rejections stop happening because you see the value in everything.

Thank you for reading.

human nature

I know that the subject of human nature is huge and is something that I can’t even seem to touch with a blog.  I want to talk about the human interactions that we have amongst each other.  Though out the 20^th century a lot of books and other forms of media have tried to put this subject into a few chapters and to teach you how to use this to be happier and to have great interactions.  I am not going to tell you some that I have read but in my short 31 years on this earth I have read a few as have most people in sales.  These books mostly speak of the same things over and over again as do most self-help books.  And I feel I can sum them up in a few points and I wanted to share those today.  I believe we do need to care about how we interact with others in life and we should take time to become better people when is comes to interacting with the people in and around our life.  You never know what interaction in life can lead to something great either for you or someone else.  Remember you don’t know where other people are in their lives so use the golden rule in every interaction. 

The first point that most every book about human interactions talks about is listening.  But not just listening but actually hearing what others have to say.  So many times we in life we are just waiting for the other person to shut up so we can say what we want to say in reply.  We are not actually listening to what they are saying we assume what they are going to say by the first few words they say.  Just think if you could go into every interaction with a fresh set of eyes and not draw conclusions on what others have said to you.  I believe this is the most important not because they will say something different but because everyone deserves to be heard in life.  Just like you people care more about what they are saying than anything else you can say or do.  People care about their problems their issues not yours.  But not only that it is important to treat that person based on themselves and not based on the past and how others have treated you or even how that person has treated you in the past.  Think about the friends you say are the best friends in your life.  Think about their actions toward you?  Have you ever said that is a great friend he talks over me when I talk.  That guy is my best friend because he knows what he is going to say before I even finish my sentence.  No you say that he is a great friend because he listens to me and truly cares.  He takes time to hear what I have to say before he says anything.  That is what a good friend does so why shouldn't we do that to everyone we meet.  Why shouldn't we treat everyone as a good friend in life?  I think we should.  That is the first point of human interaction I have learned. 

Stay tuned I will talk about the second one tomorrow.  If I have internet lol  

those colored glasses

I have heard the saying what other people think of you in none of your business.  And that is true in a lot of ways.  You should never change yourself for what someone else thinks and what they want you to be.  You should be true to your true self.  The self that does not listen to those other people.  The slef that is driven by your true passions in life.  With this being said what people think of you is somewhat relevant in life.  Perception is important in the world.  How people perceive you has a lot to do with your interactions in this world.  People only want to be around people that they perceive to be enjoyable to be around.  They only want people in their life that makes them feel better and lifts them up. 

I want to talk about some perceptions of me that I have been told.  When I was depressed and going though my divorce and losing my children a lot of “friends” perceived me as depressed and pushed me away from their lives.  So when we as humans perceives someone as needing help and reaching out a lot of time we push them away for the ease of our lives.  And when we do that these people get further away from what they need.  So this part of human nature is flawed like most parts.  But that perception of that person being depressed stays with them and clouds people’s vision of them.  So that when they see a status update or have an interaction with that person they take it in a negative light.  So it is now harder for that person to be accepted by those same groups he was one in because he must counteract those perceptions.  Even though the person has come though depression it is like an addiction it is something that is easier for them to slip back into especially without a good friend to help them though that time.  So it is a vicious circle that the person endures.  So to change that perception and be accepted again is a everyday fight to not show any weakness or depression.  Depression is that hardest thing I have ever overcome and I am proud that I have.  I am proud to have done it mostly on my own without “friends” and “family”.  But that does not mean that we with depression don’t need that friend and should be isolated. 

Another perception of me is that I am a player.  Because I have many “friends” that are female and that I won’t commit to a relationship after 2-3 dates.  This one is the funniest one in my eyes because the true desire of my heart is to find that one.  But you can see where this one would prevent me from finding that one.  So with this perception on me I am not given a chance.  And that is how this dating world works and it is very frustrating.  When women hear you say you are honest they start to distrust you not because anything that you have done but due to what others have done to them.  So when you are my age and dating you are not just having to win over the other person but having to combat what others have done to that person.  So to date someone you must take into consideration all what has happened to this person in their dating life. 

Perception is such a huge thing in this world we live in.  I love the quote “All angry, fear, and despair comes from a wrong perspective.”  How we are perceived changes how people interact with us.  What people think of me is none of my business but how people perceive me is important.  A lot of people say that doesn’t matter wait till you sit in an apartment alone every night and see if they care how people perceive them.  I have been alone for a very long time now I haave found strength I never knew I had and I love it.  I am happier today then I have been in years.  But being alone gets old and wears down the mind.  Not having those people in your life that will listen and help you though the hard times makes life wear down on you and lead you down paths in your mind no one should go. 

I have 2 intentions in writing this one is selfish and one is unselfish.  The first is to vent and to get some things that are on my mind out of my head.    The other is to impart some compassion to you.  If you have someone in your life even if it is a distant friend and you see they are going down a negative road reach out to them.  You may be the person that saves their life.  Please show the depressed compassion.

Comfortable

I wrote this about a week ago.  

As I watch the Olympics I am reminded of the grandness of this world and this nation.  So many times we get in our comfort zones and do the things that we normally do and we lose those great things to the things that make us feel comfortable.  To achieve anything great we must go though an uncomfortable time.  We must reach into the unknown.  If you look at any great things done in this world they have been done when people stop doing what they were comfortable with and stepped out on faith.  We can live a normal life by doing the things that make us feel comfortable.  Think about it.  If we don’t have pain from working out then we are not going to change and we are not going to have the fit body we are working for.  We must push ourselves and become comfortable in the unknown.  Live in the moment and step out in faith.  

The dalai Lama's 18 rules for life.

1. Take into account that great love and great achievements involve great risk.
2. When you lose, don’t lose the lesson.
3. Follow the three Rs:

-Respect for self
-Respect for others
-Responsibility for all your actions.

4. Remember that not getting what you want is sometimes a wonderful stroke of luck.
5. Learn the rules so you know how to break them properly.
6. Don’t let a little dispute injure a great friendship.
7. When you realize you’ve made a mistake, take immediate steps to correct it.
8. Spend some time alone every day.
9. Open your arms to change, but don’t let go of your values.
10. Remember that silence is sometimes the best answer.
11. Live a good, honourable life. Then when you get older and think back, you’ll be able to enjoy it a second time.
12. A loving atmosphere in your home is the foundation for your life.
13. In disagreements with loved ones, deal only with the current situation. Don’t bring up the past.
14. Share your knowledge. It’s a way to achieve immortality.
15. Be gentle with the earth.
16. Once a year, go someplace you’ve never been before.
17. Remember that the best relationship is one in which your love for each other exceeds your need for each other.
18. Judge your success by what you had to give up in order to get it.

When you enter

When you enter my mind it still drives me crazy.  

It still stings just like the day it happened.  

It feels that it happened just yesterday.  

The breath is taken away and my heart seems to sink

Why would this still have power over me after all this years

It seems that time would heal but it doesn't seem to heal.  

My past is controlling my present.  

Forgiveness is the only way to let go and move forward.  

Forgiveness will set the situation free.  

I can not wait to be free 

May peace find me in the night 

May the God of peace settle my soul.  

May my mind settle and become in touch with the universe

May your judgement of me while reading this not fall on you

May Life become anew when my eyes open from this mediation 

Peace to all.  

I am

I am is such a powerful statement.  It unlocks so many things.  Once we learn this we can truly use this as a tool for ourselves.  A lot of times we actually use this as a negative though.  The bible says whatsoever you speak out of your mouth becomes.  So when we say things like i am broke you are claiming over your life that you are broke.
A lot of people say a fact is a fact but that doesn't mean you have to speak it.  that doesn't mean you have to accept being broke.  i have learned so many things and my spirit and myself over the past few months.  I have learned that perception is more important than reality.  i think that and living in the moment are the most importnat things in life.  Be true to yourself and live in the moment.  A lot times we live in ego and want others to accept us for what we show.  But we must put our ego aside and be true to ourselves no matter what that means.  I have lost a lot of friends for being myself.  I am very happy that they are gone.  I am beyond blessed and for the first time in my life i love myself and being with myself.

I just thought i would share my heart today.  So remember when you say those words i am watch what you attach to those words.   Remember that you control your destiny not matter what happens you control the way you take it.

The love of my life.

I have noticed my writings have not been about the most important thing in my life.  A commercial got me thinking about being a dad today.  I can remember the day i became a dad like it was yesterday.  I can remember the moment Tristan came into this world and made me a father.  It was the moment i found true purpose in life.
To be a dad is an amazing thing if you truly love it.  I thank tristan and teagan for coming into this world and making me their father.  i love being a dad and teaching my kiddos and seeing them grow.  i don't get to see it every day any more.  This is not always a bad thing as i can see the changes more when i do see them.  They grow daily and learn new things.  As i look at pictures over the years the changes that have happened amaze me.

I remember when Tristan was a baby we would spend sunday mornings cuddled on the couch while tristan slept on my chest.  I remember teagan's first steps though the house with tristan cheering her on.  I remember when tristan dropped teagan.  These memories are awesome memories and will stay with me my entire life.  But what i love is the moments that we have every day i have them.  the little moments in life that take my breath away.  No one can pull my heart like my babies.  This blog is just about my kids and talking about them.

Seeking in the external

Searching in the external. 

Human nature over the years has changed so much.  It was very natural for someone as few as 60 years ago to truly find happiness and judgement internally.  To judge yourself and your worth off of motives and not just success for failure seems to be a lost art.  So much of our lives these days are judged on success or failure.  It seems that success is more important than a person’s motives for the action.  This leads to a few things in the human psychosis.  It leads us to base our worth off of our results and not our character.  It leads us to seek for worth and approval in the external not the internal motives in ourselves and others.   This also leads us to selfish ways for get that approval in the external which in turn leads us away from compassion.  I think that is one of the biggest losses of this change is the compassion that is lost.  This world becomes a very sad place without compassion. 

                When we seek the external for our worth we find that we are never worth of anything.  Rejection is the ultimate defeat in this lifestyle.  When we are rejected or pushed off we feel our world is caving in.  We feel that if people don’t like us we are unlikeable.  I know I have been down this road.  We all go down this road in our lives reaching for something in the external to tell us we are worthy of life and happiness.  We may find happiness for a time because we are accepted for a time or because we have found a new high.  But that happiness is normally short lived or comes crashing down.  We connect with someone not for who they are but what they can do for us.  This is a very selfish way of looking at things cause once they have stopped giving us things we send them out of our lives.  So even when we have that acceptance it truly doesn’t benefit either person because we are just going from one person to the next.

                I believe we must start to look internal for self-worth and self-esteem.  I believe true happiness is found in this realm and not in the external.  I believe when we peel away the layers of ego that we have put on our true selves to have other accept us.  Only then do we find our true selves and we can be truly happy.  And this true happiness is not based on anyone else and no one can take it away.  No one can take away or affect your true self because this is not dependent on external factors.  I believe this view and perspective is key to find equanimity.  To find equanimity is to live on a plain of conscience that is not affected by the good or bad.  You are always in a state of contentment. 

Just remember you define who you are and your happiness 100%.  No one else or nothing else can determine your true happiness.  

Every moment

Growth is the willingness to let reality be new every moment. 

Deepak Chopra

This is what I wanted to write a short column about this statement.  Just think what it would be like to live every moment as it was a new moment of life.  For the previous moments and future moments effect the ones that you are in.  I believe this is a big part of the key to happiness.  Not that I live that way.  The past few days worry and anxiety have ruled my head and drove me to stress and pain that I should not have.  It is amazing how moments that have not even happened and situations that may never happen can ruin the moment you are in.  If we are always thinking about the future it never gets here because when it does you are looking to the future again. 

        To live in every moment as it’s own moment would be to live with an excitement that each moment is there.  To understand that this moment is the most important cause it is the only one that you have.  I hope that one day I can come closer to truly living like this. 

Namaste

Rejection

Last time I blogged I said the next thing I would write about was rejection.  And I bet a lot of you thought this was going to be a negative writing.

I have learned that rejection is an amazing thing.  It does a couple things.  It teaches us about ourselves.  It causes us to look inside as to the reason for the rejection.  Most of the time it is not anything we have done but something the other person saw in us that scared them about themselves.  But what we do is look inside judge ourselves for what others my think.  This gets us away from our true self.

I guess I need to explain what I mean by true self.  I have learned from Deepak Choopra that we each have two selves.  On the the ego self which is what we want others to see and is made by what others think and feel about us.  Then there is our true self this is our passions our desires what truly makes us tick each and every day.  These our are true passions not influenced by what others think or feel about them.  Now that I have explained that back to the topic.

Rejection also takes the people out of our life that would have wasted our time.  These people that have rejected us are not supposed to be in our lives for a reason.  Life has a way of putting people in it that we need for that time only.  Everyone has a part to play in our story.  Has Shakespeare said “Life is like a play we merely go though the stages of life acting it out.”  Even in dealing with the ultimate rejection in life of death.  It is all part of the journey.  Everyone gets rejected and everyone has to overcome this.  

Living in the moment

I actually wanna start this on a different subject and the get to the point.  i was actually going to blog about my bitching with facebook and so called friends.  but i decided that wasn't worth my time.  those people aren't worth my time so i am going to write about living in the moment.

As i have learned in the past few weeks from teachers such as deepak choopra, T.D.jakes, and tony robbins living in the moment connects you with the universe.  This allows you to not only enjoy the moment you are in but actually be present in your own life.  so many times we look to a future that when it gets here we don't enjoy it because we are looking to the next future.  Learning what i have in the past few weeks has changed my life.  learning to live in the moment is one of the greatest lessons i have been taught.  it allows you to truly live the life you are here to live it allows you to tap into that moment and feel everything it has to offer.  It allows you to not let the past affect you and hold you down.  I know i have said to myself easier said then done alot of times to the teachings i have had.  but i had to learn i was not going to become a guru over night.  I would have to move slowly and though changing habits.  most of us are addicted to worry and anxiety.  We fit into that everyday because that is how it has always been.  We lose relationships because of it.  We push the people that love us away. All so the we can have the addiction to something that is killing us slowly.  Worry and anxiety put a stress on the body that is hard for it to handle.

Deepak said that when we rush in life our body matches that and speeds up the aging process.  I very much believe this look at the people in life that have rushed though life and had a lot of stressors in life they seem to age a lot faster.  they have more wrinkles more health issues because their internal clock has sped up to match their lifestyle. It is important to slow down in life.  some times you have to go fast and that is fine but if your days are one big blur then you are not truly living your days.  you must live in the moment and breath in the moment to truly enjoy it.

So i know what you are saying easier said then done.  that is what i said and i agree with that statement it is always to just speak something than try to live it.  But it has actually become very easy for me lately.  i have made live in the present my mantra and said it a lot throughout my day.  I am not perfect a lot of days but once you start to flow in the moment it starts to become natural.  meditation has helped me a lot i can tell a big difference the days i make a priority of meditation.  If you say you can't meditate you are wrong there a lot of things out there that will help you and you will not be perfect the first time it has taken me years to get to the point i am at and i am not even getting really deep meditation yet.  Well i hope if you read this it helps you a little bit.  I know my life is changing and going though transformation.

Gratitude

Tonight was gratitude night on lifeclass.  

It is so important to be thankful for the things in your life.  Everyone has something to be thankful for.  You just have to look at things from a different way.  Things are only the truth from a certain point of view.  So i wanted to write a blog aabout what i am thankful for.  Some things people will go WTF.  That doesn't matter this is what i am thankful for.  

I am thankful for my wonderful children.  I am so thankful for the strife i have gone though in my life that has taught me life lessons.  I am thankful for my father he has taught me so very much about life and expectations.  I am thankful for my mother who has taught me life lessons that adds up to a list to long to list.  I am thankful for my ex wife that has never kept me from my kids and has truly been a blessing in the end.  I am thankful for all the women that have rejected me as of late.  They have saved me so much time in life.  Dealing with shallow people is getting old.  I am thankful to the true friends in my life that at different points helped me along the way.    Life is about the journey and i have had aalot of friends help me along the way.  Different people at different stops along the way.  Thank you to everyone of you even the ones that didn't really care you helped alot.  I am thankful for a great car it may not be what everyone thinks is a great car but it just keeps going.  gets me to where i need to be.  i am thankful for lifeclass really has changed my life.  these are just a few things i just wanted to share.  

I am starting a gratitude journal tonight.  I would hope that someone that reads this would do the same thing.  Write down 5 things a day that you are thankful for.  

Every breath that you take is a gift from God almighty. 

The human condition

Over the past few hours I have been though alot of stresses that i have placed on myself.  i have recovered quite well in my eyes.  It is funny how easy it is to stress about the future that we don't even know how it is going to turn out.  We stress about the future and most the time the stressors never come to be.  It is so important to live in the present time and in the present moment.  Things can change and you may become blessed.

Second part of this blog.  The more i live this life and interact with so-called friends.  These people will act like they care just to insult you to make themselves feel better.  It is just funny to see how much can be gained from insulting others but that is short lived.  These so-called friends are not worth your time or your attention.  The friends that cut a run at the first sign you are having a hard time instead of helping you though it take my advice you are better without them.  They are not worth your time and giving them a thought about their lack of loyalty just brings you down.  I know alot of these and they have done nothing but hurt me in the end.  and some of them are reading this.  this is the only blog i will do that actually pretains to people that may be reading it.

Lack of loyalty and commitment are part of the human condition.  People will again always leave you hanging.  You must depend on yourself and no one else.

On another note i will be writing about soon Rejection sucks.

WOW

WOW.  My transformation took a great leap forward today.  I was able to do something alone most people wouldn’t do.  It was funny when I told people I was going to the zoo alone people said “how sad”.  For the first time in my life I rejected those words.  I laughed.  Why is it sad to do things alone in life.  To be true the only person that can make us happy is ourselves.  No one else can.  They can make us feel good but they can not make us truly happy.  I had an awesome time today whether it was by myself or not.  I learned some things and just enjoyed this awesome day.  I am so blessed.  I have wonderful kids and a wonderful family.  I am truly a blessed man.  When you start to enjoy your time alone that is when you can truly enjoy your time with the people in your life.  When you define yourself with anyone by needing their approval to be happy then you are not truly happy you are just pleasing another person.  I cannot wait for this transformation to take full course in my life.  I am so excited about the future I have place applications to start volunteering.  I am pumped to finally have a vision and purpose for my life. 

Interactions

So I have had this writing on my brain for a few days but was very apprehensive about posting because of peoples perceptions of my words in the past.  So I will say this.  This is not directed toward anyone in particular this is just an observation of life in general.  This is not meant in a negative way but a positive way.   

Friends

Life is full of interactions.  That is what is truly about in the end is your interactions with people and how those interactions are perceived by not only yourself but the people that the interactions are with.  Some of the interactions are with total strangers.  These are normally on a daily basis and most people don’t give them a lot of thought.  From the guy you cut off in traffic to the homeless person you walked by this morning and ignored.  These interactions are speak very highly to your character.  How you treat strangers that you will never see again is big. 

Then there are those interactions with people you know in your life due to work or some other need based relationship.  These are the people in your life that you may talk to every day but these people are not tied to your heart.  These are the people you may just put on a face for or just put up with them in your normal everyday life.  Not much thought is given to your interactions with these people.  You may be nice to these people you may be not be but in your mind these people are not truly important to your core.  Their opinions of you and your life don’t truly matter to you in the end.  I see these relationships as fake for the most part.  Some may give the impression that you matter but ultimately when your situation changes these people are out of your life. 

Then there are those interactions with the people in your life that are in your heart.  These people you may not always get along with but they are in your core and they matter to you.  These are the interactions that matter most to you in a lot of ways.  These may be with friend, your spouse, family member or anyone that truly means something to you.  A lot of time we care what these people think about us and care about their opinions.  These are the interactions we take for granted a lot of times.   These people are normally the ones that get treated the worse because they are the closest. 

The interactions we have in life define our character.  Whether they be with a stranger or your best friend.  When we understand that this is the legacy we are leaving behind it becomes important to work on those relationships and learn how to truly treat people.  We must understand that to truly act in love and gratitude and truly be happy we must strengthen our character and our interactions with everyone.  

I myself have been on a transformation over the last few months of my life.  Some of you that read this may know this and have seen it in my life.  Some of you may have not taken the time to get to know this.  But the more I learn about myself and about my journey in this life the more I see the interactions from my past.  I see the positive ones and the negative ones.  The lessons that I am learning from these are shaping my present and future.  This is known to a lot of people as karma.  In other words reaping what you sow in this life.  I have learned when you do not interact with the people you truly care about in life and you don’t nourish those relationships they die.  Most the time they cannot be brought back to life.  There is no excuse for this in my mind anymore.  If someone matters to your core then you must take that time and nourish that relationship if you truly hope to keep it.  Even the interactions with the people you may not care about in your life are very important.  I have learned you must act in love as much as possible if not at every moment. 

Now on to what this writing is truly about Friends.  What is a friend to you?  Most people would say someone I hang out with.  Someone that is important to me.  Someone that I connect with.  There is a wide view of what true friendship is and everyone can have a different definition.  When we are dealing with people that we know as friends their definition of that may be different than yours.  So when you are upset with this person that may be your friend they just may have a different view of what friendship is. 

I have had a lot of “friends” in my life that have been surface friends that have been great in my life for a time but they were not meant to be in my life for an extended amount of time.  They have come and gone and some have come back.  These friendship are not based on the same definition of friendship and normal just based on good times in life.  These friendship normally end when either ones situation in life changes.  Most people’s lives are littered with these friendships.  They were good for a time but for whatever reason just didn’t continue in life. 

Some friendships are lifelong these are the people that you can count on in life.  These are the people that though the changes in life situations stand by you and you by them.  You have probably known them most your life.  And you know that you can run to them when you need them.   These people sometimes get the worst of you because you know in your heart they will be there for you. 

No my take on this stuff. 

You interactions in life mean a lot.  We must try to interact in love at all times in life.  We must try and be a positive interaction in the life of others.  That is part of my transformation to have more positive interactions on a daily basis.  With that said if you are reading this and I have offend or hurt you in our relationship please reach out to me and lets have a conversation.  If not I understand.  I hope this blog wasn’t to long and I know it rambled but that is the only way I could put these thoughts down.   

Moments in life.

            Ever get to thinking about when you were a kid and miss those times.  I find myself doing that a lot when I have my kids.  From when I was very young and remember playing with Michael and ricky at eagle point.  Trying to find trouble to get into.  Always building a clubhouse.  Riding bikes from the time we got home from school to the time it got dark.  Sleep overs on the weekends and swimming in the summer.  I loved being in the pool something I don’t do near enough anymore.  Finding random things and using them to build a clubhouse to hang out in that would always be torn down the next day by the maintaince man at the apartments.  The time I was riding my bike and had a wreck that sent me to the hospital.  I spent that night in the hospital as my chest wall was about to cave in.  All I wanted to do was go play again.  To falling and needing stitches for the first time and begging my mom to let my big brother give them to me since he was in civil air patrol.  I know it made no sense but it did for a 10 year old.  I still have that scar and it brings back a lot of memories.

 All these and more memories from my childhood are something I treasure.  Human beings are really the only creatures that can recall memories to the extent they can feel that same feelings they felt when they were in that moment.    Sometimes like the memories I talked about before it is good thoughts.  A lot of time we has human beings can allow the past to affect us in a very bad way.  We can allow it to keep negative feelings in us and continue to hurt just as it was happening again.  In that way we allow the past to continue to hurt us.  These things still have power over us and keep us locked into this pain.  To feel pain over and over for the same thing is torture you never truly get past the bad things in life to enjoy the moment you are in.  That is the best time to live in is the moment you are in right now.  To allow the past to ruin this moment is a crime of the soul.  The only moment that exists is the one you are in at this moment.  The past doesn’t exist anymore and the future is not promised.  So the only moment that exists is the moment we are in.  That doesn’t mean we should not have a plan and goals for the future but to obsess and to ruin this moment you in for the future is not smart.  The future may never come and you have sacrificed parts of your life for things that never existed. 

This life is just a blink in eternity we only have a whisper in the history of the universe to live and enjoy this gift called life.  You must live this life with passion and with purpose.  Find your passion and you will find your purpose in life.  Breath in the moments in life and live each one to its fullest.  Only you control this fact no one else can make you enjoy life and live it to the fullest.  

My grandmother

has i saw that dick Clark died today at 82 it got me to thinking about my grandmother. not many people that will read this knew her. I started thinking about her life and being able to live till she was 90. WOW. What she saw in her life from 1915- 2005. When you read that events probably pop in your head to to world wars to women's rights to racial equity. i am inspired that she got to live such a long life. A lot of people don't get that much time on this earth. the one thing that all of us is promised is death. It will find us all in time. that time may be tomorrow or we may live till we are 90. We must catch what we can and effect the lives that we can while we are breathing and while we have the gift that is life. I signed up for volunteering today with a great organization. I am excited to start living my passion and helping kids as my mamaw, as i called her, inspired me to do. She was the strongest person i have ever met. I love her and miss her to this day. she taught me lessons about life and how to be a great person. She stood up for herself when it was unpopular. I am truly inspired by her and by her life. To live this life for 90 years is an amazing blessing that most people never get to achieve. She was very determined to live that long.

Reinventing

First blog in a very very long time. Writing is something i have lost over the years and something that is become more important to me. I Have found it to be an awesome tool and awesome way that things seem to work out. So i will be restarting my blog. this blog will be about my random thoughts, writings, my children, and life in general. I hope that anyone that reads this enjoys it. but most importantly i hope you can take something away from my writings.