those colored glasses

I have heard the saying what other people think of you in none of your business.  And that is true in a lot of ways.  You should never change yourself for what someone else thinks and what they want you to be.  You should be true to your true self.  The self that does not listen to those other people.  The slef that is driven by your true passions in life.  With this being said what people think of you is somewhat relevant in life.  Perception is important in the world.  How people perceive you has a lot to do with your interactions in this world.  People only want to be around people that they perceive to be enjoyable to be around.  They only want people in their life that makes them feel better and lifts them up. 

I want to talk about some perceptions of me that I have been told.  When I was depressed and going though my divorce and losing my children a lot of “friends” perceived me as depressed and pushed me away from their lives.  So when we as humans perceives someone as needing help and reaching out a lot of time we push them away for the ease of our lives.  And when we do that these people get further away from what they need.  So this part of human nature is flawed like most parts.  But that perception of that person being depressed stays with them and clouds people’s vision of them.  So that when they see a status update or have an interaction with that person they take it in a negative light.  So it is now harder for that person to be accepted by those same groups he was one in because he must counteract those perceptions.  Even though the person has come though depression it is like an addiction it is something that is easier for them to slip back into especially without a good friend to help them though that time.  So it is a vicious circle that the person endures.  So to change that perception and be accepted again is a everyday fight to not show any weakness or depression.  Depression is that hardest thing I have ever overcome and I am proud that I have.  I am proud to have done it mostly on my own without “friends” and “family”.  But that does not mean that we with depression don’t need that friend and should be isolated. 

Another perception of me is that I am a player.  Because I have many “friends” that are female and that I won’t commit to a relationship after 2-3 dates.  This one is the funniest one in my eyes because the true desire of my heart is to find that one.  But you can see where this one would prevent me from finding that one.  So with this perception on me I am not given a chance.  And that is how this dating world works and it is very frustrating.  When women hear you say you are honest they start to distrust you not because anything that you have done but due to what others have done to them.  So when you are my age and dating you are not just having to win over the other person but having to combat what others have done to that person.  So to date someone you must take into consideration all what has happened to this person in their dating life. 

Perception is such a huge thing in this world we live in.  I love the quote “All angry, fear, and despair comes from a wrong perspective.”  How we are perceived changes how people interact with us.  What people think of me is none of my business but how people perceive me is important.  A lot of people say that doesn’t matter wait till you sit in an apartment alone every night and see if they care how people perceive them.  I have been alone for a very long time now I haave found strength I never knew I had and I love it.  I am happier today then I have been in years.  But being alone gets old and wears down the mind.  Not having those people in your life that will listen and help you though the hard times makes life wear down on you and lead you down paths in your mind no one should go. 

I have 2 intentions in writing this one is selfish and one is unselfish.  The first is to vent and to get some things that are on my mind out of my head.    The other is to impart some compassion to you.  If you have someone in your life even if it is a distant friend and you see they are going down a negative road reach out to them.  You may be the person that saves their life.  Please show the depressed compassion.

Comfortable

I wrote this about a week ago.  

As I watch the Olympics I am reminded of the grandness of this world and this nation.  So many times we get in our comfort zones and do the things that we normally do and we lose those great things to the things that make us feel comfortable.  To achieve anything great we must go though an uncomfortable time.  We must reach into the unknown.  If you look at any great things done in this world they have been done when people stop doing what they were comfortable with and stepped out on faith.  We can live a normal life by doing the things that make us feel comfortable.  Think about it.  If we don’t have pain from working out then we are not going to change and we are not going to have the fit body we are working for.  We must push ourselves and become comfortable in the unknown.  Live in the moment and step out in faith.  

The dalai Lama's 18 rules for life.

1. Take into account that great love and great achievements involve great risk.
2. When you lose, don’t lose the lesson.
3. Follow the three Rs:

-Respect for self
-Respect for others
-Responsibility for all your actions.

4. Remember that not getting what you want is sometimes a wonderful stroke of luck.
5. Learn the rules so you know how to break them properly.
6. Don’t let a little dispute injure a great friendship.
7. When you realize you’ve made a mistake, take immediate steps to correct it.
8. Spend some time alone every day.
9. Open your arms to change, but don’t let go of your values.
10. Remember that silence is sometimes the best answer.
11. Live a good, honourable life. Then when you get older and think back, you’ll be able to enjoy it a second time.
12. A loving atmosphere in your home is the foundation for your life.
13. In disagreements with loved ones, deal only with the current situation. Don’t bring up the past.
14. Share your knowledge. It’s a way to achieve immortality.
15. Be gentle with the earth.
16. Once a year, go someplace you’ve never been before.
17. Remember that the best relationship is one in which your love for each other exceeds your need for each other.
18. Judge your success by what you had to give up in order to get it.

When you enter

When you enter my mind it still drives me crazy.  

It still stings just like the day it happened.  

It feels that it happened just yesterday.  

The breath is taken away and my heart seems to sink

Why would this still have power over me after all this years

It seems that time would heal but it doesn't seem to heal.  

My past is controlling my present.  

Forgiveness is the only way to let go and move forward.  

Forgiveness will set the situation free.  

I can not wait to be free 

May peace find me in the night 

May the God of peace settle my soul.  

May my mind settle and become in touch with the universe

May your judgement of me while reading this not fall on you

May Life become anew when my eyes open from this mediation 

Peace to all.  

I am

I am is such a powerful statement.  It unlocks so many things.  Once we learn this we can truly use this as a tool for ourselves.  A lot of times we actually use this as a negative though.  The bible says whatsoever you speak out of your mouth becomes.  So when we say things like i am broke you are claiming over your life that you are broke.
A lot of people say a fact is a fact but that doesn't mean you have to speak it.  that doesn't mean you have to accept being broke.  i have learned so many things and my spirit and myself over the past few months.  I have learned that perception is more important than reality.  i think that and living in the moment are the most importnat things in life.  Be true to yourself and live in the moment.  A lot times we live in ego and want others to accept us for what we show.  But we must put our ego aside and be true to ourselves no matter what that means.  I have lost a lot of friends for being myself.  I am very happy that they are gone.  I am beyond blessed and for the first time in my life i love myself and being with myself.

I just thought i would share my heart today.  So remember when you say those words i am watch what you attach to those words.   Remember that you control your destiny not matter what happens you control the way you take it.

The love of my life.

I have noticed my writings have not been about the most important thing in my life.  A commercial got me thinking about being a dad today.  I can remember the day i became a dad like it was yesterday.  I can remember the moment Tristan came into this world and made me a father.  It was the moment i found true purpose in life.
To be a dad is an amazing thing if you truly love it.  I thank tristan and teagan for coming into this world and making me their father.  i love being a dad and teaching my kiddos and seeing them grow.  i don't get to see it every day any more.  This is not always a bad thing as i can see the changes more when i do see them.  They grow daily and learn new things.  As i look at pictures over the years the changes that have happened amaze me.

I remember when Tristan was a baby we would spend sunday mornings cuddled on the couch while tristan slept on my chest.  I remember teagan's first steps though the house with tristan cheering her on.  I remember when tristan dropped teagan.  These memories are awesome memories and will stay with me my entire life.  But what i love is the moments that we have every day i have them.  the little moments in life that take my breath away.  No one can pull my heart like my babies.  This blog is just about my kids and talking about them.

Seeking in the external

Searching in the external. 

Human nature over the years has changed so much.  It was very natural for someone as few as 60 years ago to truly find happiness and judgement internally.  To judge yourself and your worth off of motives and not just success for failure seems to be a lost art.  So much of our lives these days are judged on success or failure.  It seems that success is more important than a person’s motives for the action.  This leads to a few things in the human psychosis.  It leads us to base our worth off of our results and not our character.  It leads us to seek for worth and approval in the external not the internal motives in ourselves and others.   This also leads us to selfish ways for get that approval in the external which in turn leads us away from compassion.  I think that is one of the biggest losses of this change is the compassion that is lost.  This world becomes a very sad place without compassion. 

                When we seek the external for our worth we find that we are never worth of anything.  Rejection is the ultimate defeat in this lifestyle.  When we are rejected or pushed off we feel our world is caving in.  We feel that if people don’t like us we are unlikeable.  I know I have been down this road.  We all go down this road in our lives reaching for something in the external to tell us we are worthy of life and happiness.  We may find happiness for a time because we are accepted for a time or because we have found a new high.  But that happiness is normally short lived or comes crashing down.  We connect with someone not for who they are but what they can do for us.  This is a very selfish way of looking at things cause once they have stopped giving us things we send them out of our lives.  So even when we have that acceptance it truly doesn’t benefit either person because we are just going from one person to the next.

                I believe we must start to look internal for self-worth and self-esteem.  I believe true happiness is found in this realm and not in the external.  I believe when we peel away the layers of ego that we have put on our true selves to have other accept us.  Only then do we find our true selves and we can be truly happy.  And this true happiness is not based on anyone else and no one can take it away.  No one can take away or affect your true self because this is not dependent on external factors.  I believe this view and perspective is key to find equanimity.  To find equanimity is to live on a plain of conscience that is not affected by the good or bad.  You are always in a state of contentment. 

Just remember you define who you are and your happiness 100%.  No one else or nothing else can determine your true happiness.