Dating and the crazy world we live in

It has been forever since i had the chance to blog.  I have been writing some but not able to post since i don't have internet.  any ways enough about that back to the subject at hand.   My life has gone though so many changes.  My mind set has changed and my world view.  i am so blessed and if you are reading this you are blessing my life..

So the subject that i wanted to talk about is dating.  Most of my friends that would read this don't have to deal with dating but i do.  I have learned some lessons about dealing with other people though dating that are priceless.

I have learned that when dealing with others they have their own issues and agendas.  They have their own issues and hang ups.  dealing with a free dating site brings up its own problems.  Some people are ready for that relationship and some are truly not but they are trying things out and putting you at risk to do this.  As someone who feels the moment and lives with an open heart you have to learn that people will hurt you because they don't know how else to act.  You have to put yourself out there to get something back.  unless you give of yourself you will never and i mean never have something great.  I have found that since my intentions are so different then most men that i am looked at as a liar and someone that is just trying to get in someones pants.  I think this is funny.  My intentions for dating are for something amazing and life changing.  It is funny for me to date at this point i have been mostly single for 2 years now.  I have had some relationships but most have not worked out for one reason or another.  I have learned so much about myself and how i interact with people.  I have so very blessed.  I have met some great people whether they are still in my life or not i have met some great ones.  Most people that you meet are only in your life for a few days to weeks because they are after one thing and one thing only.  but i truly enjoy making a connection with people and sharing some of myself with them.  There are times that you get down and get rejection after rejection which in the 2 years is all i have had since i am still single.  Some of the rejection has come from me some from the women.  but that rejection is such a blessing it has taught me so much.  My friends have been there to build me back up and help me though the bad times.  I thank every friend that i have for everything they have done for me.

So i guess the point of this ramble is that even though rejection and strife you are given gifts.  When you start to see these gifts the strife and rejections stop happening because you see the value in everything.

Thank you for reading.

human nature

I know that the subject of human nature is huge and is something that I can’t even seem to touch with a blog.  I want to talk about the human interactions that we have amongst each other.  Though out the 20^th century a lot of books and other forms of media have tried to put this subject into a few chapters and to teach you how to use this to be happier and to have great interactions.  I am not going to tell you some that I have read but in my short 31 years on this earth I have read a few as have most people in sales.  These books mostly speak of the same things over and over again as do most self-help books.  And I feel I can sum them up in a few points and I wanted to share those today.  I believe we do need to care about how we interact with others in life and we should take time to become better people when is comes to interacting with the people in and around our life.  You never know what interaction in life can lead to something great either for you or someone else.  Remember you don’t know where other people are in their lives so use the golden rule in every interaction. 

The first point that most every book about human interactions talks about is listening.  But not just listening but actually hearing what others have to say.  So many times we in life we are just waiting for the other person to shut up so we can say what we want to say in reply.  We are not actually listening to what they are saying we assume what they are going to say by the first few words they say.  Just think if you could go into every interaction with a fresh set of eyes and not draw conclusions on what others have said to you.  I believe this is the most important not because they will say something different but because everyone deserves to be heard in life.  Just like you people care more about what they are saying than anything else you can say or do.  People care about their problems their issues not yours.  But not only that it is important to treat that person based on themselves and not based on the past and how others have treated you or even how that person has treated you in the past.  Think about the friends you say are the best friends in your life.  Think about their actions toward you?  Have you ever said that is a great friend he talks over me when I talk.  That guy is my best friend because he knows what he is going to say before I even finish my sentence.  No you say that he is a great friend because he listens to me and truly cares.  He takes time to hear what I have to say before he says anything.  That is what a good friend does so why shouldn't we do that to everyone we meet.  Why shouldn't we treat everyone as a good friend in life?  I think we should.  That is the first point of human interaction I have learned. 

Stay tuned I will talk about the second one tomorrow.  If I have internet lol  

those colored glasses

I have heard the saying what other people think of you in none of your business.  And that is true in a lot of ways.  You should never change yourself for what someone else thinks and what they want you to be.  You should be true to your true self.  The self that does not listen to those other people.  The slef that is driven by your true passions in life.  With this being said what people think of you is somewhat relevant in life.  Perception is important in the world.  How people perceive you has a lot to do with your interactions in this world.  People only want to be around people that they perceive to be enjoyable to be around.  They only want people in their life that makes them feel better and lifts them up. 

I want to talk about some perceptions of me that I have been told.  When I was depressed and going though my divorce and losing my children a lot of “friends” perceived me as depressed and pushed me away from their lives.  So when we as humans perceives someone as needing help and reaching out a lot of time we push them away for the ease of our lives.  And when we do that these people get further away from what they need.  So this part of human nature is flawed like most parts.  But that perception of that person being depressed stays with them and clouds people’s vision of them.  So that when they see a status update or have an interaction with that person they take it in a negative light.  So it is now harder for that person to be accepted by those same groups he was one in because he must counteract those perceptions.  Even though the person has come though depression it is like an addiction it is something that is easier for them to slip back into especially without a good friend to help them though that time.  So it is a vicious circle that the person endures.  So to change that perception and be accepted again is a everyday fight to not show any weakness or depression.  Depression is that hardest thing I have ever overcome and I am proud that I have.  I am proud to have done it mostly on my own without “friends” and “family”.  But that does not mean that we with depression don’t need that friend and should be isolated. 

Another perception of me is that I am a player.  Because I have many “friends” that are female and that I won’t commit to a relationship after 2-3 dates.  This one is the funniest one in my eyes because the true desire of my heart is to find that one.  But you can see where this one would prevent me from finding that one.  So with this perception on me I am not given a chance.  And that is how this dating world works and it is very frustrating.  When women hear you say you are honest they start to distrust you not because anything that you have done but due to what others have done to them.  So when you are my age and dating you are not just having to win over the other person but having to combat what others have done to that person.  So to date someone you must take into consideration all what has happened to this person in their dating life. 

Perception is such a huge thing in this world we live in.  I love the quote “All angry, fear, and despair comes from a wrong perspective.”  How we are perceived changes how people interact with us.  What people think of me is none of my business but how people perceive me is important.  A lot of people say that doesn’t matter wait till you sit in an apartment alone every night and see if they care how people perceive them.  I have been alone for a very long time now I haave found strength I never knew I had and I love it.  I am happier today then I have been in years.  But being alone gets old and wears down the mind.  Not having those people in your life that will listen and help you though the hard times makes life wear down on you and lead you down paths in your mind no one should go. 

I have 2 intentions in writing this one is selfish and one is unselfish.  The first is to vent and to get some things that are on my mind out of my head.    The other is to impart some compassion to you.  If you have someone in your life even if it is a distant friend and you see they are going down a negative road reach out to them.  You may be the person that saves their life.  Please show the depressed compassion.

Comfortable

I wrote this about a week ago.  

As I watch the Olympics I am reminded of the grandness of this world and this nation.  So many times we get in our comfort zones and do the things that we normally do and we lose those great things to the things that make us feel comfortable.  To achieve anything great we must go though an uncomfortable time.  We must reach into the unknown.  If you look at any great things done in this world they have been done when people stop doing what they were comfortable with and stepped out on faith.  We can live a normal life by doing the things that make us feel comfortable.  Think about it.  If we don’t have pain from working out then we are not going to change and we are not going to have the fit body we are working for.  We must push ourselves and become comfortable in the unknown.  Live in the moment and step out in faith.  

The dalai Lama's 18 rules for life.

1. Take into account that great love and great achievements involve great risk.
2. When you lose, don’t lose the lesson.
3. Follow the three Rs:

-Respect for self
-Respect for others
-Responsibility for all your actions.

4. Remember that not getting what you want is sometimes a wonderful stroke of luck.
5. Learn the rules so you know how to break them properly.
6. Don’t let a little dispute injure a great friendship.
7. When you realize you’ve made a mistake, take immediate steps to correct it.
8. Spend some time alone every day.
9. Open your arms to change, but don’t let go of your values.
10. Remember that silence is sometimes the best answer.
11. Live a good, honourable life. Then when you get older and think back, you’ll be able to enjoy it a second time.
12. A loving atmosphere in your home is the foundation for your life.
13. In disagreements with loved ones, deal only with the current situation. Don’t bring up the past.
14. Share your knowledge. It’s a way to achieve immortality.
15. Be gentle with the earth.
16. Once a year, go someplace you’ve never been before.
17. Remember that the best relationship is one in which your love for each other exceeds your need for each other.
18. Judge your success by what you had to give up in order to get it.

When you enter

When you enter my mind it still drives me crazy.  

It still stings just like the day it happened.  

It feels that it happened just yesterday.  

The breath is taken away and my heart seems to sink

Why would this still have power over me after all this years

It seems that time would heal but it doesn't seem to heal.  

My past is controlling my present.  

Forgiveness is the only way to let go and move forward.  

Forgiveness will set the situation free.  

I can not wait to be free 

May peace find me in the night 

May the God of peace settle my soul.  

May my mind settle and become in touch with the universe

May your judgement of me while reading this not fall on you

May Life become anew when my eyes open from this mediation 

Peace to all.  

I am

I am is such a powerful statement.  It unlocks so many things.  Once we learn this we can truly use this as a tool for ourselves.  A lot of times we actually use this as a negative though.  The bible says whatsoever you speak out of your mouth becomes.  So when we say things like i am broke you are claiming over your life that you are broke.
A lot of people say a fact is a fact but that doesn't mean you have to speak it.  that doesn't mean you have to accept being broke.  i have learned so many things and my spirit and myself over the past few months.  I have learned that perception is more important than reality.  i think that and living in the moment are the most importnat things in life.  Be true to yourself and live in the moment.  A lot times we live in ego and want others to accept us for what we show.  But we must put our ego aside and be true to ourselves no matter what that means.  I have lost a lot of friends for being myself.  I am very happy that they are gone.  I am beyond blessed and for the first time in my life i love myself and being with myself.

I just thought i would share my heart today.  So remember when you say those words i am watch what you attach to those words.   Remember that you control your destiny not matter what happens you control the way you take it.